The etiquette of Parents’ Evening
Photo credit: ParentMap
It’s that time of year again. A time that lots of parents can’t wait for and the time that most teachers can wait for. Whichever side you’re on, it’s safe to say we all get the pre parents’ evening nerves. One side of the table fretting over what will be shared about their child and the other, fretting about being grilled about said child. It’s the only opportunity during the term you get some quality alone time. For teachers it feels like an evening of speed dating. Trying to pace yourself, anticipating any awkward conversations, whilst frantically trying to remember who’s who. Wondering, hoping even, who is going to be able to stick to their time slot? 10 minutes isn’t long, but it’s long enough. Not for everyone. Some people like to think 10 minutes means more. It happens every time. Although teachers learn the knack of politely gesturing parents to the door, as the next lot enter and take a seat on the ridiculously small chairs.
A quick classroom tidy, devour a couple of snacks, deodorant reapplied, mirror check and notes ready. So there you are, raring to go. The evening can be full of surprises, and often doesn’t go to plan. However much you do your homework, there are always some curve balls thrown into the evening (for both sides). There are always the very fewer parents that have forgotten you’ve had a full day of teaching or the ones that like to book that very last slot. But this is often balanced out by the ones that listen and accept what you are saying. The grateful set that you think you could be friends with. And the best ones - the ones that know how long 10 minutes actually is. How to behave behind those closed doors is everything. It can be daunting and nerve wrecking for the parents and teachers. Both of you ready to listen, discuss and question. Both sides have the child’s best interest at heart. It’s key you are as prepared as possible - blink and you miss it. So how do we make the most of those precious 10 minutes?
Be on time - it’s important to be early and organised. Plus if you’re early you often get to look through your child’s work, or speak to other parents around. But mostly you really don’t want to waste precious seconds either side of your allocated time.
Take notes and have questions ready - you may want to jot a few things down about your child’s progress, especially if you have to attend solo. Do ask questions you may have (however silly you may feel they are) but always try and ask them at the start in case you run out of time!
Make an alternative appointment - if you have lots of issues or a bigger concern then don’t wait until parent’s evening. Arrange to meet your child’s teacher as soon as you can. It’s always worth mentioning these things as they happen, as it’s often much easier to manage.
Be honest and give feedback - please share anything you think might be helpful to know about homelife or school life. Things that they enjoy, strengths, struggles, friendship issues or even their favourite school lunch. This really helps your teacher. It’s nice to know what’s going well and what might need more attention.
Do speak with your child about the parent meeting - when the time is right. It’s really important to share with your child that you will be meeting their teachers to discuss how they are doing. Feedback the teachers’ comments - the good and the bad - children need to be recognised, acknowledged and accountable, even early on in their school careers!
Be calm - if you hear something that surprises or shocks you - it’s important to try to take emotion out of this in order to be as constructive as possible. Time to process what has been said is important and then you can always get in touch again to discuss this further.
Remember your teachers are there to help - teachers really do have your child’s best interest at heart. It may be tricky hearing something about your child that isn’t positive or doesn’t quite feel like your child or seem fair, but please remember the context of which they are referring to. You may also want to take into account that children can be very different in school than at home, as hard as it may be to imagine.
Avoid comparisons - each child learns their way and if possible avoid comparison to peers and siblings. It’s not always easy (especially with twins!) but it’s important to remember that children learn in their own time and comparing abilities won’t help.
Focus on the holistic view of your child. Please try to take into account all lessons and activities, strengths and areas to work on. In reality it’s hard not to focus on progress in their numeracy and literacy, however try to focus on other skills and values. Communication skills, problem solving ability, perseverance and teamwork.
Steer clear of the last slot - I really would! Teachers are often shattered by then having had back to back parent meetings all evening. I’d aim for one of the earliest ones available!
It may seem funny, but I actually cannot wait to go to my daughter’s first parent's meeting. I know I’ll be excited, slightly apprehensive, nevertheless organised and ready with my notepad. Being on the other side might be even more daunting. Although all I’ll probably be thinking I can’t believe I am actually at a parent meeting. But what I know is, how lucky I will feel to only have one meeting and how grateful I will be for the teacher’s time. All I really hope to hear is that she is kind, respectful and happy. I hope all of which can be said in under 10 minutes. Plenty of time left over to head out for dinner, making full use of the babysitter, that’s if we ever go back to face to face meetings. Oh and be sure to knock, definitely knock loudly when it’s your time.
